


A Box Full Of Soap

by 11dishwashers



Series: Submerged In Bronze [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 21:50:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12241293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/11dishwashers/pseuds/11dishwashers
Summary: Where Camilla marries for the feeling of it all, and Niles marries for something else entirely.





	A Box Full Of Soap

To tell you the truth, I was completely impartial to the whole thing. I had earrings before, I'd continue to carry them religiously after, along with the rest of it. I knew that Niles was not out to break a bank with this celebration, though he'd try it anyway- he knew I was the one who actually had all the earthly delights and the gold and the things that made bad people jealous. See, I had never considered why exactly I had picked Niles before. He was attractive, sure, but Nohrians tended to be. In the Louvre, you could see this painting of my family. I have no ill intentions towards them of course, but they belonged between the two dimensions of a canvas as well as on their separate thrones. Firstly, was Elise in her sunday dress, petticoats tirelessly bunches- she hated them, how warm they made her legs, how sweaty, how clammy, how trapped. She was so beautiful, even as a six year old when other girls her age carried their babyfat in their faces, and in their minds. Her eyes were huge. Not like dolls, as the cliche goes, but like marbles. God loved her- she got everything she wanted. 

And then, Marx. Tall and stocky, but not unshapely. His square chin could slice through wooden blocks. He wore the crown, even though he wasn't king yet. There was a sword in his right hand, which was long and lean and he could shift the weight of his arm against it, like a pin up girl with a volleyball. He was just as scary as he looked, for the younger ones who could see our father in him. Maybe that was why he was so adored- because he resembled our father before all the mistakes started happening. There was something fond about how he moved, how he cared. 

Leo stood by him, the exact opposite. Dimmed face. Crazy slim, like he was trying to cut down on the amount of space he occupied. His hairband was missing, and all his hair covered the edges of his face so stupidly- he got a lot of shit for that one. Like most of us, he wore black. You could see the edge of his breastplate, how it selectively poked out at the seams of his dress shirt. He was the most wary; didn't even trust us, let alone the world. Sometimes he even told Niles to keep an eye on Odin for him, of all people- his own retainer. 

And there was me. Many people know the way I am, I'm sure you need no reminder. The canvas was ripped up next to where I stood, where my shadow dragged back to the jagged edges. Kamui had looked so pretty when she was still a part of the picture, of our own. 

And everyone was all dressed up for this thing- this  _ marriage _ . Elise sat on the edge of my bed, kicking her feet up and down in time with her rapid chattering. She had bows, bows, bows, tying around every piece of her until there was no more left. Black, lace gloves up to her elbows. She refused to wear the petticoats, even though I told her they'd go nicely with the dress. Even on my event, she refused to listen- so headstrong. And she just sat there, seriously, untying and retying the ribbons around her legs. 

"Isn't it weird?" she said, unfastening one down by her ankle. The knot was tough but she managed it after scraping at it with her index nail. I didn't ask her what- "How you're getting married nd all," she said, "Isn't it weird? And Niles of all people..."

"Be nice," I said, moving up close to my dresser mirror to get a better view of my face. The makeup was coming along well- most of it had been done by Selena of all people. And she was  _ good _ with a brush and lipstick and palettes, she had a collection built up from her travelling past, all in this plastic box shaped like a heart, with weak clasps that could cut your finger off if you weren't too careful closing the thing. Elise did have a point, I thought- Niles was Niles, she was very right about that. Niles was Niles, and that could be a problem to the many people he bestowed suicidal tendencies upon. 

"Why him?" Elise asked, not saying his name. There were ten ribbons on the floor beneath her feet. She was still short and unlike me, her feet dangling in midair. To be fair though, my bed was huge and four postered, with thick quilts layered on top of each other like in the princess and the pea. 

I shrugged unfortunately, looking at Elise through the mirror. She didn't have her eyes on me anymore. Before, I'd seen her watch me fix my hair and that. I imagined she was jealous, though I couldn't be too sure. Elise would probably marry a frog if it offered, after all. She'd show up to the ceremony in a snakeskin dress with glorious, red boots. "If I had to marry, I suppose I'd pick him."

"You don't have to marry," Elise said, like I wasn't aware. 

"Well, I am," I had decided this earlier, in the midst of picking up my dress from downtown. I rarely ventured out onto the streets- I didn't exactly need a death warrant an hour before the big day, but it hadn't felt right to sent Belka and Selena out for me. They'd blow the budget on buying each other novelty socks, and oddly flavoured dessert pies, and hairclips with flowers or bees on them. A word of advice; never grow close to your retainers, as that just makes them get away with more. 

And there was that admittedly nice feeling about seeing oneself look  _ good _ in pearls and white satin. I hardly wore pearls, mostly I settled for finely cut onyx when I could. Once in battle, I'd worn this beautiful piece out onto the field, with gorgeous onyx shards that were strung along a leather strip, and a bandit drove a hand into my collarbones and I could feel the shards pressing through my skin. I'd take an axe over that any day. So I was wary around pointy things, pearls would have to do. They could be beautiful things in the right light, nowhere near as shocking as opals but I could make it work. I had been waiting outside the changing rooms, holding this hanger with a plastic bagged wedding dress in it, and I caught sight of myself in the mirror- regular old Camilla with her baggy black clothing, unkempt hair, sleepy eyes. Niles must've seen me like this time after time before. I wouldn't marry myself. And with that, I reached some sort of conclusion- he wasn't marrying for love, but for riches. I felt at peace. The one thing that was expected of me was the one thing I could provide, in spades no less. Nothing more. 

Camilla in the mirror was letting me down, before I changed. The dress made me look younger than before, like I was being sent off in some arranged affair. The satin just hung off me properly, in a way that flattered rather than regressed my appearance, and I turned to admire it all. I could wear this later, in front of the army. 

The price tag was drawn on a pale green slip of paper. I found out about it after having already paid, and the store clerk sweated under my gaze as she punched the numbers into the register. I was somewhat of a celebrity, after all; how could I not be? The royal Nohrian family was as sensationalised as those funny looking Hoshidian monarchs, with their intricate outfits and weapons and way of speaking. 

To this clerk, I was a way of surviving. God knows how much cleaning we had to take care of after the fall of my father. I tipped to keep up an image, and fled from the shop, no longer able to stand the smell of icing sugar, the feeling of eyes glimpsing at not me, but what I meant. 

Marx had been looking for me. He requested my time from Belka, who was the more sensible of my two retainers. She talked to Niles, I knew, and so I couldn't trust her to dearly with my faults and my opinions, but she could handle her job well enough for a mute. The opposite of Selena, who talked to no one and ruined things on her own accord. I adored them both dearly. 

In any case, Marx requested my time, and so, I went. It wasn't hard to find him, he was out training with Leo, who had a chronic fear of using tomes around his family. He seemed to think he'd mess up and fail someone. You could tell from how grey his face was, biting his lip raw. I interrupted an argument over proper sword stances("but I use swords to!" Leo cried, which wasn't entirely true or false- he could use swords, he just chose not to). Speaking of Leo, he seemed to have taken a set against the ceremony. I could only see two reasons why- either he was mad that I'd been intimate with his retainer, or he believe Niles to be incapable of loving me. Either way, I was offended. He huffed like a child, so immature, yet he glowered when people pointed out the obvious to him. Marx looked at me with this funny face that had me laughing airy, something about it read as 'oh no, Leo's here, oh no Camilla'. He sat atop Peri's horse, I could tell because of the trimmed line of hair between its ears and its tan coat. 

"Little brother," he regarded Leo with some stilted respect, mostly to make the dismissal go down easier. "Could you go? I need to talk to Camilla."

Leo rolled his eyes, though I couldn't blame him. Marx treated him very condescendingly when he felt like it. "Of course," he said with some bite, "I can see when my presence is no longer needed."

Neither of us disagreed, so he left in a pseudo huff. I knew he was happy for me in some ways, so it didn't bother me at all. It made me snicker a bit if I'm honest- covering a grin behind my hand, my newly done nails coated with black varnish. I appreciated the concern, at times. 

As we were out in the field, Marx climbed down off his horse and tied her to a tree with some sort of army knot that I couldn't make sense of. It chewed on the grass as we stood to talk, somewhat facing each other. I had the feeling I knew what he would say.

"Camilla..." he began, reluctant. "You do realise who you're marrying?"

"Of course," I replied easily, "I'm not one for blind dates."

Marx was sick of me, after these past two seconds, you could tell. His face didn't fall, but it didn't move either. Unless he was talking, and even then, his eyes settled into their sockets just the same. Only his mouth moved, really. "And you do trust him?"

"Oh, yes. And Leo trusts him too, even though he pretends not to these days," I said. Marx scanned me for discomfort. I didn't react at all when I spoke, didn't let any of my feelings slip through my mouth. He'd never catch me in a lie. 

"I understand, but please be sensible. If there's a problem, it's nothing we can't handle if you tell us," a threat of violence. How fitting, I thought. 

"It's nothing I can't handle, you know," I said, about ready to take my leave. He didn't understand it, couldn't understand it, but I was the strongest fighter we had. King Garon had forced him to train for his whole life(only for it to backfire), but I didn't force myself at all. I just needed to get better, stronger, if I wanted to protect Elise, and though more reluctant to accept, Leo too. Niles was nothing compared to me- a scorch on the pavement beneath my heel. That was where I kept my men. 

Marx sighed deeply. "I know you're capable."

"Well capable," I reminded him. 

"Yes, well capable, but sometimes there are things you can't just deal with on your own. I'm serious, Camilla, if Niles is giving you trouble- we can't afford to lose you, that's all."

For a second, I tricked myself into thinking they didn't care about me. We can't afford to lose you. I cracked a smile. "Are you done?"

Marx smiled back, though you could tell he was at the end of his rope. In the distance, you could hear Peri and Laslow arguing, no doubt on their way to train, no doubt arguing about the ethics behind mass murder. "I suppose that'll be it."

"Good," I said, turning away. 

"Leo's happy for you."

"I know."

 

I had all the intentions of entering the barracks, but none of the means, seeing as the cake was there and no one would allow me to see it. Peri had baked it, though I made sure Belka supervised her to make sure she wouldn't mix in human blood. It was an acquired taste, one that the others wouldn't appreciate as much as, say, me. I strolled back to the tents, all white fabric and slopes. The ceremony would be in an hour, and I had my full face of makeup on already. The toughest part was trying not to touch my face. This had always been a bad habit of mine, and it was so hard not to wipe at all the powder on my skin. I decided to call Selena to fix my hair. 

I didn't find her for a good while, even though I was looking. Generally, she stayed by my side- she adored me, you could tell. I asked around for her, and everyone just shrugged. Eventually I tracked her down to a secluded patch of forest, where I could see the flash of her blade as the light hit it through the treetops. She was practicing on a tree trunk, carving at it, chips of wood flung about the place wildly. I couldn't help but watch her for just a minute, since she'd never allow it knowingly. She had always been shy and defensive, after all. 

Her face was red from exertion, but she pushed on. I felt pride weighing down on my face as I watched. My retainer, I thought, mine. 

"L-Lady Camilla!" she practically screeched upon noticing my presence. I swear, I almost dived onto the ground, it looked like she might fling her blade. It almost fell from her hands in shock, far out into the woods, to never be recovered. But she didn't- her grip on the handle went white. 

"Selena," I said, not hiding the smile on my face. Her face really could've hidden in her hair, what with the redness. "Practicing hard?"

"What does it matter to you?" she snapped. 

"Nothing. I just see you're doing well."

That was the trick with her- she needed encouragement, or you'd get nowhere. "I suppose," she said, rubbing at her arm. "Did you... uh... need anything?"

I stepped down off the tree trunk I had been standing on, branches crunched beneath my boots. It sounded sickening. "I need you to fix my hair," I told her with a grin. She sheathed her sword and nodded towards the camp, almost immediately. God bless her. 

 

"How'd you like it?" she asked, tugging the strands framing my face downwards, until they curled at the ends slightly, so wispy. I looked at myself in the reflection for only a few seconds. The updo certainly was nice. 

I turned to Elise, who had taken up permanent residence dangling her feet off my bed. "How does it look?"

"You look so pretty!" she told me, and she was too young to lie properly so I smiled. "It's so nice, Selena."

Selena pursed her lips, though you could tell she was touched. "Thanks, Lady Elise," she said softly. I didn't think she was as fond as my sister as she was with me, but we had all undoubtedly spent so much time together over the years. I wouldn't say she was like a sister to me, though. The retainer-royal dynamic was too obvious in the way it felt, it could be no other way. I was convinced that if Selena was anyone else to me, I'd be amused and annoyed by her antics, rather than admiring of them. 

"It's perfect," I said all low, "Thank you."

 

I requested time by myself for the twenty minutes before my wedding. Firstly, I slipped on my dress and observed it in the mirror. Secondly, I slipped on my heels and observed them, too. Thirdly, I sat on my bed and thought. Niles was on my mind, in some ways, but more than often my thoughts drifted to Kamui. She wasn't here, because she had abandoned us. She couldn't even stand to witness her sister's wedding. This morning, I hadn't woken up deciding to get all sad before the ceremony. When I looked at my reflection, I could only see it white tinted, through the miniscule netting of my veil. I keened under the attention I gave myself, wanting to get sick. 

My body was sexy, my face was beautiful. That was more than what a girl could ask for. 

My mind was in bits- a small casualty in the war. 

I took a breath before leaving the room, finally, and Belka stood outside, waiting for me. 

She was wearing her bridesmaid's dress. You could see the outline of an army knife against the lower half of her sleeves. She looked beautiful, even with her big forehead uncovered by her usual get up. The pink satin flared about her waist, and she was watching me with searching eyes. "Lady Camilla," she said quietly. 

"Everyone's waiting for me?" I guessed, and she nodded. "Let's go then. I wouldn't want to keep them, after all."

 

The service was to be conducted outside, under today's unlucky dose of cloudiness. The reason for this being that although people rarely got married outdoors, marriages in tents were somehow far less common than that. And we didn't have a church, after all, who'd want this event to be publicized, what with my father currently on the throne? 

There wasn't much surprise to it- no opening of the chapel doors, no gasps on sight. It was strange, because you could see me walking from the distance, a white dot against all the yellowing grass of the planes in my new dress. And I continued walking, everyone was still the entire time. Belka accompanied me until I reached the beginning of what would be 'the walk', as you could call it. Odin and Laslow had carried old crates out to act as pews, everyone was seated, and it was almost surreal how I felt with all those eyes watching. 

Marx had offered to walk me down the aisle, and I obviously refused. I didn't need anyone to send me off- I'd been my own for a long time, long enough to learn that relying on others was a sin. 

Niles stood past all the pews, at what would've been the altar, Leo by his side. He watched me hungrily. I knew my hips swayed when I took each step- first one, then the other, remember to breath, Camilla. 

He looked handsome. This was an expectation that I, in particular, upholded for him. Not that I needed him to look handsome- I just knew he would, if I were to look. It wasn't based on personal taste, and it certainly wasn't based on attraction to his personality, there were certain people who had simply been born better than others. My family was a set of these people. Niles was. Selena was. 

He was in a suit, which was no doubt payed for(and mostly picked by) Leo. It fit him all the way down to his shins, where they sloped backwards the fabric would cling a bit too tight. Of course, this didn't bother me much, if at all. The only thing that unsettled me even the slightest, was the sight of him without an eyepatch. His left pupil was disgustingly bright, almost the colour of the whites of his eyes, blending together. 

"Hey doll," he said as soon as I was at earshot. Actually, he practically purred it out through his smirk. He was such a guy, to be honest with you. I was embarrassed to tears in any case. 

"Shut up," I told him, almost angrily, "talk to me after the ceremony."

Leo cut over me to begin reading from his book. The service almost bored me to tears, let me tell you. With my legs out in the cold, I shivered throughout the thing, unable to meet Niles' eye. We exchanged vows quickly. Leo ended the thing as swift as he could, and then through all the static in my brain, down at the pews, someone shouted 'now kiss!'. 

Niles took a step forward. On instinct, I almost took a step back, but I caught myself on time. Or maybe he did- suddenly his hands were a lot of places, all at once. 

We'd been intimate before. 

With the added layer of intentions, it felt shinier, newer. How he held me. And it didn't even matter that it was Niles, because a part of me was glad that I'd managed to put myself forth at all. He liked pretty things, and I fit the bill, he liked his money and himself, I could flatter and provide- I'd learned it all my life. He didn't need anything else from me, a stress free life. 

I kissed him back as it began to rain. My hair clung to the sides of my face, not quite framing it in the way Selena had imagined. I laughed against him, and he let out a grunt and pulled me closer. In my heart, I knew Leo was gagging and Marx was rolling his eyes. 

The rain bucketed down. My dress was getting sticky and clingy, and not in the ways I had expected. I had enough of Niles' hungry mouth, it took two hands on his chest to push him off. His head lolled back and forth in something like a daze, whatever it was, he seemed incredibly pleased with himself, and possibly with me. 

We were nearly alone outside. Laslow was clearing up boxes and avoiding our general direction. It continued to rain, and if I looked right I could've seen everyone running inside with their dresses and fancy shoes trailing in the mud. 

"Come with me," Niles purred, winking(though it looked like a spasm, what with his wonky eye). 

"For god's sake, Niles," I said, tasting his name on my tongue just because I could. "Have you already forgotten about the cake?"

"You make me forget about a lot of things."

I sighed and took his arm, linked it with mine. "While I'm  _ incredibly _ glad to hear that, we really should go," I said it all unsarcastic, too. He looked at me, not in the eyes but my face as a whole. I thought he might tell me he loved me, but instead he started pulling me over to the barracks, talking about what he'd do to me after this. 

 

The cheery atmosphere didn't go down without a fight, but in the end, it was Belka that did it. 

We had arrived at the barracks when the party was in full swing, Peri had taken to scaring small pieces of her lungs out through her throat by singing, with all her heart. No one stopped her, but there were some onlookers with a distaste for bad vocals, who watched in grim silence. Selena and Belka were the only ones seated at an actual table, having a pint. Otherwise, people were generally acting merry and joyous and dancing about in stupid pairs. It was a good afternoon in the barracks. 

My appearance went unnoticed in this. Niles had swooped over, spectacularly fast, to the "bar"(Belka was sitting in on the bar duties, watching as people took the beer bottles laid about on the table) and got two bottles. One of those bottles was for me, and he flicked the cap off with his thumbnail. I would've been impressed if it wasn't for the fact that I could do the same. I took a drink, and it the alcohol was ridden with staleness. As much as we wanted to drink and be merry, there was a kingdom at stake and not enough time to prevent it. We had a lot of unused things just laying around, in the hopes that there'd be some sort of use for it someday. 

"I love this," Niles said, seemingly out of nowhere. He wasn't talking about his drink, which was something only a mother could love. 

I took a drink, not calculated at all- practically downing the glass. "It's nice to see everyone in such high spirits, isn't it?"

"Except for you," he said, and his eye dimmed. I didn't know if his other eye was getting fried from all this light, but he'd taken to covering it with one hand. His suit sleeves rode up and you could see that he'd even worn these cufflinks, gold and rectangular, a set from Leo's sunday clothes drawer. 

"Except for me?"

"Except for you," he repeated. I smiled and held a hand out to his forearm, even though it wasn't too loud in the room and certainly not loud enough to lean in and speak. 

"Darling, I  _ am _ happy," I said, no doubt he could feel the movements against his earshell. He shivered pleasantly. It was a surprise to see him affected at all; he liked to put it on more often than not, just to seem easily pleased so people would even attempt to please him. 

"No you're not," he said, grinning. "But I'm not privileged enough to get why, unfortunately."

My, he certainly was amusing sometimes. It made me laugh a bit, in all defense for his cause. I pushed some hair over my shoulder and moved closer. He nearly held me. "You're right, I'm privileged and I have all I want. What more evidence do you need to believe me?" 

"Money can't buy happiness, I can tell you that from experience."

"You know what brings me happiness?" I asked, and I'd planned my next line ever since the topic had shown its ugly face. 

"What does?" he responded, voice low and rough. He could really get a lady going- it was a discredit to himself that he'd amounted such a bad reputation, otherwise his way of speaking could be a nice surprise to his lovers. I knew of it since we first met, and it still had me in some ways, but not to its full potential. 

"Good sex," I said, and he laughed and slapped my ass. 

"Look forward to it later, then." 

Just as he spoke, Belka's alcohol began to affect her and she took up residence on the tabletop, standing, to the dismay of Peri more than anyone else. She wasn't doing anything other than standing in her dress so Selena could see her panties, Selena who was giggling up at her. But it was dangerous- it happened within mere milliseconds. She took a step that ended up throw the whole, singular layer of the birthday cake, slipping and plummeting to not her death, but possibly(Peri was extremely angry at this- she had baked that cake, and now it was coating Belka's heels and the floor).

I was quite alarmed. Belka, after all, spoke only slightly more than a brick wall, and here she was laughing herself into fits on the floor, covered in sponge cake and icing. Selena helped her up and joined in with the laughing, too, but everyone else was silent. 

I stepped over. "You ruined your dress," I said to Belka, who flipped around to face me. She was licking sugar off her fingers, spit gone cold. Her dress wasn't in the best condition, I had exaggerated slightly but I was no liar. There was cake and dirt from the floor on the fabric, where it had once been pink it was now white. I wasn't actually angry, especially not about the cake. I didn't particularly want to be in the barracks. I'd rather just retire to bed. A part of me was grateful, even. 

"Sorry, Lady Camilla," she said, looking at Selena the whole time. "Sorry. I'm sorry, really... really sorry. Gods, I'm sorry."

I put my hands on my hips and sighed to the right. "It's okay, I suppose. As long as you clean it up."

She nodded some more. "Yes, of course, Lady Camilla, yes, definitely. I will definitely clean it up. I'll do it now, if you want-"

"-I do," I said. She nodded a few more times and took Selena's hand, leading her away to the cleaning supplies cabinet. With a dustpan and brush in hand, she returned. Her footprints left sugar and stickiness all over the floorboards. 

"Take off your shoes, Belka dear," I told her, but Selena ended up doing it for her anyway. A pair of worn leather boots left in the corner, sweet enough to eat. 

Peri had grabbed a sweeping brush and was now beating Belka over the head with it, yelling out profanities at a mile a minute. I pried it off her, even though my common sense told me I'd be added to her hit list. Unfortunately, the whole event had only served to dampen the mood further. 

People began milling out of the barracks, back to their tents. It was dark out, after all. This was my opportunity to take my leave. Niles waited for me at the door. 

"No wedding cake, then, we could've just skipped to this earlier like I planned," he said, linking his arm with mine again. It was freezing outside, the rain had dumbed down to hail now. It pelleted at my bare shoulders and made my skin go red and raw. I'd never wear this dress again- it'd be banished to the bottom of my drawers, under all my pairs of panties and odd socks. If I ever had a child(which I hoped I wouldn't have), they'd pull it out in the years to come and it'd be crumpled to hell and back, lines worrying everywhere you looked. 

"Perhaps," I sighed, taking note of how he moved to wrap an arm around me. Well, thank the gods. I was on my way to developing hypothermia, quick and steady. 

He brought me to my tent, with its huge bed in the inside. I crashed onto it and Niles took his dress shoes off by the door. I didn't feel, hear or see him for a few seconds, and then he was running his hands down my shoulder blades, which were coated with a slippery layer of rain. "Take it off," I said, shivering at my own words and the clingy feel of it. I felt him unfasten the clasp at the mid section of my neck, zipping the back downwards. The satin rustled as it came apart and peeled off my back. 

"So gorgeous," he purred, and I shifted so he could pull the sleeves down off my arms. "You're too good to me," soon, I was left lying there in my underwear; black and lacy. A feel good pair of mine. 

"Touch me, won't you?" I said, "It's so cold- I don't think I can stand it any longer."

He flipped me over and kissed me, lips chapped in such a Niles way. I had to help him take his cufflinks off, since he couldn't do it with his opposite wrists, Leo must've done it for him the first time around. Leo really did a lot of good for Niles, every way you looked at it. 

He was in the suit, after all. And then he wasn't. I felt myself go warm the longer it all went on.  

Afterwards, he held me; I felt him doing so, in his hotblooded skin and clinginess. We were in such a way that his mouth was pressed to the crown of my head, and I'd imagined it would tickle you- my hair really was long. I watched the lantern dimming at the far wall, which couldn't be accomplished too well with how my head was angled, but it was there, this occasional yellow-green blur. When it flickered, I saw the calluses of Niles' knuckles go orange and yellow again. 

So this was married life. 

"I hope you're happier now," he said softly. It made me sick, a little bit, to hear him care. I wasn't expecting this when he proposed. Back then, I'd expected a rough fuck where I'd be left sore and tired and not quite in his arms. He disturbed me in this way, how he went soppy on me. It almost ruined everything. 

"Don't get ahead of yourself darling, you've got a lot to learn," I replied, and I could feel how his chest moved against me when he let out a laugh. "I'll have to teach you."

"I can't wait."

There was a pause, then. "But seriously," he said, "I hope I make you happier."

That was the one thing he shouldn't have expected from me, the one thing I couldn't provide. Not one man had ever adored me enough to try to put all my pieces back together, I'd been abandoned back in the throne room, and couldn't retrace my steps to take myself back. There was no ‘it’ for me. I was, irrevocably, a goner. "Don't worry your pretty little head about it," I told him, "My happiness is strictly off limits to everyone- it's not your fault. I've got to figure this one out myself."

He sighed, moving his chin, though it was still pressed against the top of my head. "That's so sad, Camilla," he said. 

I bit my lip. "I know."

"I hope I'll be there at the finishing line," he said, yawning loudly. You could hear how his jaw snapped back into place just before his mouth closed again. 

I didn't tell him 'me too'. By that point, my eyes were drooping already. 

It must've been ten minutes later, when I was so exhausted that my voice took a hit and grew thin. "You're easier to be around than anyone," I said, closing my eyes and taking a slow breath. "That has to mean something, right? Tell me it does."

Yet, I had drifted off to sleep before I could hear his reply. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is a study of Camilla, quite possibly the most hated character in Fates. She was also supremely hard to write.  
> Let me know what you think! and you can find me on twitter @11dishwashers :))


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